The Power of Insight

The power of insight. On Easter Sunday a close friend of mine offered to do a quick tarot card reading for me. I had only done a reading once before and was curious. Peter, the ever skeptical was willing to go with the flow and listen. As I shuffled the deck, I asked my question, opened my heart to hear, and turned the cards over. It was a powerful reading. Key phrases from each of the cards were in support of our major choice of this year - having a baby. It was so powerful, that the fifth card was as if the Universe was saying to us "No, really. We mean it." I left with a feeling of knowing. Knowing that we had made the right choice with IVF. That we have been making the right choices. And I had so much clarity! 

Fast forward several weeks, introduce some normal cycle hormones and BAM! clouded with doubt. I am a worrier. In a sea of uncertainty, I assume the worst. So here I am, on day 28 of my cycle. Waiting.  The next step in the process is for me to start BCP no later than April 23rd. And that FEELS like tomorrow. My rationale brain knows that I have a week before that date. It also knows that day 34 is Saturday and my cycle will start by then. But the "what ifs" are creeping in. "What if my cycle does not start in time and I have wait an entire month?" "What if this is a sign that I am not meant to be a mother?" "What if this is a sign that I am cursed to a life of not being a mother with a body that is unpredictable?" And then I remember the questions from my tarot card reading:

What's keeping you from praising your body?

What doubt, confusion, or indecision could possibly keep you from aligning your reason with your intuition? 

And again, the strongest message comes from the Universe: Expand, contract, breath in, breath out, and begin to see the biggest possible picture. 

The big picture is that my body is working exactly how she needs to. My body's natural time is not linked to schedules and mechanical time. I can wait. I can let this step of the process work. I can recognize that this is the last opportunity that my body has to follow a natural cycle until after the IVF process. So it is my time to say "yes" to my body. To praise her for doing what she does. To allow my cycle to unfold, waiting to cross the bridge of what it means for IVF when I get there.