It should feel like a thump

Today was my first day of acupuncture. It is the first appointment of many that I set the intention of doing during the March thru early-May timeframe in preparation for IVF. It is the appointment I had intended to have the first week of April.

I entered today with a whole room full of stories at how I failed at meeting my intention for April. April was meant to be filled with whole body nurturing activities in preparation for IVF. I envisioned focusing my energy on preparing my body to begin the hormone treatments, readying my uterus to be the warmest, bestest place to receive fertilized embryos, and balancing my emotional and mental realms for the months ahead. And then life happened. I focused my energy at work to meet an end of the month deadline. I focused on selling my company. And I woke today with sadness at what I viewed as a month lost to poor choices. I entered acupuncture worried that I was not starting the treatment soon enough for it to be effective.

My acupuncturist is awesome. He has great, positive energy. He is eager to hear what I have going on in my physical, emotional, mental, and spirit realms. He is full of ideas on how to help me to achieve success. And he was precisely the "thump" of positivity I needed today. And as I lay on my belly, needles connected to an electrical source, sensing the thumping of my twitching left calf muscle, the biggest thump of the day arrived.

I have been doing my best. I have been caring for myself. I have been making the choice to go home and sleep, rather than push through the exhaustion. I have been asking for help. I made the phone calls to schedule this acupuncture appointment.  And...I am HERE.

Even the choices that I judged as being poor were in line with my intention. The selling of my business, while exhausting and nerve-racking and sad, is very much what I need to do in order to focus my energy at home and a successful IVF treatment and pregnancy. Working towards the deadline at work is for a major piece of work that once complete, I do not need to carry with me into May and will therefore be relieved of a major stressor looming over my head. And these two things are perfectly focused on caring for my self.

My last fifteen minutes on the table were spent in deep relaxation and body gratitude. My body is telling me what she needs and I am doing my best to listen and answer. I know how to have that conversation with my body. I have opened my heart to hear it. And that is enough.